Narcissist Ex Turned Family and Friends Against Me
The Problem with Narcissistic Parents
A report by Stress in America recently revealed that Millennials (ages 18 to 33) report the highest stress levels of any generation. It's not necessarily wrong to chalk these pressures up to increased competition in college and the workplace, an ailing economy, or a civilisation geared toward multitasking. Merely allow'south consider something a little more personal that may be at the source of increased stress levels. Let'south talk about something that may striking a picayune closer to home and, in fact, exist in the home of many children growing up today… the problem of egotistic parents. These by few years, nosotros've targeted helicopter parents and fought the "battle hymn of the tiger mother." We've worried for the televised pageantry of "toddlers" and wondered whether "attachment parenting" was right or wrong. Yet, the problem of narcissistic parents may exist at an all-time high. True, it tin exist a good affair that parents are taking a more agile function in their child's evolution. Remember the very first scene of "Mad Men," in which a typical 1960s housewife scolds her child – not for the plastic handbag she'due south fixed effectually her head, but for the dry out-cleaned clothes the bag had contained that must be lying on the flooring somewhere? While their parents and grandparents may take suffered through a culture that viewed children as second-grade citizens, the kids of today, who are being raised every bit the focus of their household, are non necessarily better off.
How Narcissistic Parents Live Through Their Children
Parents who seem to exist offering their kids something by immersing themselves in their children's interests, activities, and accomplishments, are frequently taking more than they are giving. Egotistic parents feed their own ego through the achievements of their children. Though the process is somewhat unconscious, they seek out ways to live through their child. A contempo episode of NBC's highly popular "Mod Family unit" illustrated this when housewife, Claire, took her teenage daughter, Alex, to an academic decathlon. Used to seeing her daughter victorious, Claire made snide comments to fellow parents and made sure to let the judges know whose mom she was. When Alex made a small mistake and was eliminated in round ane, Claire made a scene and plotted means to protest the loss. All the while, she tried to downplay and deny her deep investment in her daughter's success. When Alex finally got it out of her, Claire confessed, "I similar it too much when yous win. I actually love lording it over the other moms." While it's rare for narcissistic parents to reveal this of themselves, their investment in their kid's success is apparent to most people around them. This attitude is inappreciably selfless and often has nasty consequences. Another problem with egotistic parents is that, while they may seem to support their children's accomplishments, they often feel competitive with their children. They would like their child'south successes to reflect on them and attract attention to them, but at the aforementioned fourth dimension, they do not want to be overshadowed by their kids. In this way, egotistic parents don't back up a healthy sense of self-esteem in their children. Instead, they draw attention to themselves, using their children in a manner that is disregarding and hurtful. The only use these parents accept for their kid is to reverberate favorably upon them. Narcissistic parents ofttimes truly endure from depression self-esteem and are living through their children to compensate.
Why Egotistic Parents Overly Connect to Their Children
Narcissistic parents want their child's performance to reflect on them. The reasons for this are circuitous. Parents may be trying to recoup for what they believe are their ain shortcomings. They may rely on their child'southward success to eternalize themselves up. In doing so, they are failing to see their kid as a unique and autonomous individual. They refuse to recognize that their child is separate from them, with their ain thoughts, feelings, and desires. A narcissistic parent tends to focus on or near "feed" on their child's accomplishments. They ofttimes do this, considering something is defective inside them. They may effort to utilize their child to fill an emptiness they feel inside themselves. Parents with full lives, in which they accept many interests, close relationships, and passions, oft offer more to their children than those who give up everything to exist with their kids. Though they practise this in the name of love, they don't realize that their conception of dearest is really skewed. People oft misfile love with emotional hunger. Parents who think they are giving their children honey by showering them with constant attention are failing to run into how much they are pulling on or draining the child. When a person feels a "need" or "longing" for their child, information technology can be a scarlet flag that they are taking more than they are giving in the relationship. If a parent feels their child is "filling up" a part of them, for example, that they are their sole source of joy, it tin be a further warning that they are experiencing emotional hunger toward their kid. Honey is an offer of encouragement, back up, and affection. Emotional hunger provides simply the contrary.
The Effects of Growing Up with Narcissistic Parents
The biggest trouble with egotistic parents is that, in trying to build their children upwards, they are really neglecting to recognize and support their child's contained sense of self. Instead, the child feels a heavy corporeality of pressure from their parents. They may carry fears of falling short and the sense that they will never exist skilful plenty. Their insecurities may pb them to get narcissistic themselves, seeking out attending and approving just to show they are okay. Parents who surrender their own lives enter the child's earth instead of inviting the kid into theirs. Because, children learn past example, not having a parent who is fulfilled within themselves leaves the child with a sense of having to accept intendance of that parent. They have to make them happy and offer support. This is a huge burden to put on a kid, and information technology hurts them throughout their lives. They may recreate this dynamic in their relationships, looking for someone who inflates their ego or who tears them down in ways that support deepseated attitudes they have toward themselves. They may too seek out people, who, like their parents, use them to feel better almost themselves. These dynamics tin can be harmful to an developed, only they are almost immoral to impose on a kid. When we refuse to see our children equally separate individuals, we project all of the negative and critical attitudes nosotros take toward ourselves onto them. We may try to overcompensate for our parents' mistakes, or we may reenact subversive patterns from our own childhoods. In either case, we are missing the mark with our kids. We are misattuned to their unique needs and insensitive to their truthful wants. Past differentiating from our ain past, we are better able to run into our kids as separate from ourselves. Only then can nosotros offer them real honey as opposed to a fantasy of connection. Simply then, tin can nosotros appreciate our children for who they are and back up them in reaching their full, unique potential.
Read about the difference between Self-Esteem vs. Narcissism
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Source: https://www.psychalive.org/the-problem-with-narcissistic-parents/
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